Thought / Opposites Attract
If you’ve read my earlier piece the stages of an engagement then you’ll already be acquainted with the fact that before my partner became my husband I was afflicted by a period of doubt in our relationship. It had very little to do with emotion or love; rather it was conjured by that terrible habit we have of comparison.
It planted the idea in my mind that I was in some way missing out on something better and more fulfilling; someone more perfect. It’s a familiar notion for many I’m sure and not just romantically speaking however this doubt; my doubt was driven by the fact that my partner does not share the same creative thought process that I do.
In an age where we assume to witness the intimate lives of others; I’ve always thought creative couples to have an ideal harmony. One where they might tap into some secret source of mutual success and inspiration; of course from the outside they exude as much.
Unsurprisingly these stories that we tell ourselves can plague the mind with insecurity at the prospect of one’s own relationship falling short. It relates back to our endless pursuit of perfection; the perfection we expect of ourselves; of our circumstance and indeed of our significant other.
As we’re well aware it’s a frivolous pursuit but it’s nonetheless haunting and one that can erode relationships from within without caution. I hesitate at generalising and this certainly isn’t relationship advice but I have come to realise that there’s distinct value to be had in creative difference with your partner.
The love between two people is hardly quantifiable but I think relationships are defined by both their mystery and a sense of compatibility. Indeed I certainly have a need to believe in both the magic of love and in it’s practicality.
I’m certain there’s an anecdote about the mind contradicting the heart but then again I doubt anyone can honestly claim to be all knowing when it comes to the remarkable madness and wonder that is love. We all simply think, feel and stumble blindly; sometimes with more thought than emotion and other times in reverse.
I thought it might be a sacrifice to commitment myself to a person who doesn't understand my irrational creativity. Perhaps some people might think I have made a sacrifice; regardless what I came to realise is that it’s actually quite an unrealistic expectation. My husband has his own idiosyncrasies that I don’t understand and he doesn’t expect me to so why is it that I had such an expectation of him.
Perhaps because I pick apart my world; perhaps because I think differently to others; perhaps we all think the same yet very few acknowledge those thoughts with words. Who knows. I have high expectations of myself and so by extension high expectations of my world and the people in it. There isn't fault in that but it can cause turmoil if not tempered.
It’s unreasonable to think that your partner will be all things to you at all times. Our humanity means that they’ll be disagreements and disappointments and given that no-one is perfect it’s rather absurd to expect your significant other to be so. Ironically for all the ways I considered my relationship to be scarce it actually balances the two of us rather well. I mistakenly assumed that our difference creatively was a detriment and not something that might actually be to my benefit.
To give you insight; I’m rather a sporadic thinker, I have big ideas and useless ideas, multiple interests and a tendency to distraction. My husband is not. He is a realist and a very methodical thinker. He prescribes more to the status quo than I care for and is a very hard working and diligent person.
The single greatest thing he affords me though is stability; his happiness with more ordinary aspects allows me the freedom to explore my unordinary pursuits. I can indulge in my preoccupations while he takes care of our practicalities.
That’s not to say there isn’t a measure of compromise. All relationships require as much but life with someone less creative means that my own creativity can be mostly uninhibited. I’m not sure I could pursue chances so avidly without the security of support. That might hint at my own flaws; but we weren't made to exist in isolation anyway. We need relief in differences that are complimentary to our own character.